she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
