How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
