Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
