aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
