Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
