the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
