There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize