My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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