dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
