and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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