I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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