Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
