Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
