you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
