my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
