when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
