someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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