Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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