I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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