Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize