Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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