yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
