Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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