i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
