An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
