what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
