i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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