don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize