1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
