I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
