He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
