I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
