How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this will be a night to untag.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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