we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
