I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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