Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
