i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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