I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
