I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
