..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
COCAINE IS GR8
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
