Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
