I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
