i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
