normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
