I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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