The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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