I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
