there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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