i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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