Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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