It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
