Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
