one two three fourrrrnication!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
