pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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