I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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