I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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