I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
