im gay
i know
yea but for you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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