I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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