Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
