You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we made out on top of his cat.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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