She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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