She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
