So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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