I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
