i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
